Denver Seminary

8 FALL 2019 REFLECTIONS The birth of Training and Mentoring (TM) in the next decade meant every student would benefit from the influence of a mentor. Having a mentor, Charlene thought, was just the right thing to help young pastors grow in self-awareness. A mentor, she hoped, might even save someone from walking down a road that they should avoid— even if it meant not taking a road into traditional full-time ministry. God increased Charlene's desire to speak into other people's lives and she prayed He would bring her a mentee. When Jen Bestafka asked Charlene to be her TM mentor in 2017, Charlene immediately agreed. Jen was a newly married woman with a twenty- year career in corporate America and a growing love for her Christian Formation and Soul Care studies at Denver Seminary. Jen deeply desired to grow in Christlikeness, and Charlene wanted to witness her growth. During the two years of Jen's TM coursework, which included at least 30 hours of mentoring, it never dawned on them how different their life experiences had really been. The two women were focused on something far deeper than their different lifestyles; they were focused on union with God. Charlene had raised five kids, taught them at home, and participated in ministry with her husband. Jen was newly married after a long career. Their differing experiences didn't create a barrier, but instead were used as a rich resource for their learning, transcending their backgrounds to let Jesus shape their unity. Although Jen experienced one nurturing mentor when she came to Christ in her twenties, she later engaged one in her corporate work who left her feeling unseen. Coming into seminary, she wasn't sure she wanted to be vulnerable again, but her desire to learn and grow outweighed her hesitations. "I [decided] I could come to seminary and read, write, and take tests—and I could also be affected by Jesus as I go," she explains. That kind of resolve helped her approach her TM curriculum as an opportunity to grow in intimacy with God and others, including her mentor. As the women reflect on their mentoring experience, they share grateful smiles and an expressive fondness that only comes from a strong bond. Theirs is a relationship built on authenticity. "There's never been pretense with us," Jen gratefully reports. "We speak the same language and have the same desire to grow in Jesus," says Charlene. However, they didn't anticipate how deep that bond would grow until the semester that Jen's mother was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia. As she embarked on an especially isolating caretaking journey, Charlene, who had walked on a very similar road, was her welcome companion. "To be understood was priceless," Jen stresses. "[Charlene] was a godsend." Jen and Charlene cherish the relational way of learning that mentoring has provided, saying it has brought goodness and fruit into their lives. Charlene has grown as a listener and a sounding board. Jen has grown in her capacity to do deeper self-assessment. Jen views the student-driven model of mentoring as an opportunity for ownership, which graciously allows Charlene the luxury of being a companion. "She isn't my teacher or my mom," says Jen. "She knows when to be hands-off and when to let me process." Charlene agrees with the ease of their mutuality, explaining, "She's there for me, too—and the Holy Spirit is in the midst of it. All the fruitful experiences of my life add up to just being with someone." The TM curriculum is what makes Denver Seminary special to Jen, saying, "It would be easy to leave seminary unchanged, but we have the unique chance to fully engage in this formation process." The key, she believes, is to have a deep desire to grow in relationship to someone else. If there were no mentoring component, if TM were just about reading a book and completing some spiritual disciplines, she thinks it might be a recipe for egoism. "On our own, we just set ourselves up for pride," Jen goes on. "A mentor helps you explore yourself with Jesus. We practice and process with a mentor." Jen says she is learning that self-awareness grows in the company of others. "To a new student, I would say be open to thinking differently. You don't want to miss what God is doing." Thinking differently means being willing to change some habits. 2 Peter 1:5-7 (NIV) says, "Make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love." As if to demonstrate what this passage looks like, Jen thoughtfully designs her self-directed curriculum and engages it earnestly each semester. Struggling becomes a form of learning rather than a sense of failure. Meeting regularly takes effort as well. The women have to arrange to meet somewhere between Denver, Steamboat Springs, and Canon City. What they find is that

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