Denver Seminary

F CONFESSIONS OF A MENTORING DIRECTOR The Effects of Shame on a Community of Learning LAURA FLANDERS RECEIVED HER MA IN LEADERSHIP FROM DENVER SEMINARY AND SERVED IN NONPROFIT LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT PRIOR TO JOINING THE ASSOCIATED FACULTY IN 2005. WHILE RAISING THEIR NOW-ADULT CHILDREN, SHE AND HER HUSBAND, DALE (MDIV, 1994), SERVED IN THE PASTORATE FOR 24 YEARS. THEY CO-OWN AND OPERATE TAPROOT INNOVATION, A CONSULTING ORGANIZATION TO AREA NONPROFITS. Fall of 2015 marks the start of my 11th academic year as a mentoring director. As I help my students cultivate learning plans and mentoring relationships, I have something embarrassing to confess: I often feel stupid. I work with brilliant colleagues who are experts in many fields, from the exegesis of biblical texts to the management of complex financial models. As I work alongside these friends, I try to take the opportunity to know more, do more, and be more. Doing so helps me grow as a mentor. But because I can't always know, do, and be more, I am often forced to embrace my limitations. This, too, helps me grow as a mentor. Luke 2:52 says that Jesus grew in wisdom and stature. While the enemy tried to shame Him, Jesus, in His full humanity, did not give in to the temptation. Instead, He grew wise and strong while embracing His human limitations. He was the master of curiosity. He asked big questions. He had no shame. In a striking moment of vulnerability, Jesus solicited His friends for help: "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch" (Mark 14:34). Unlike Jesus, I often give in to shame and choose to feel stupid as I work alongside my remarkable colleagues. When I do, I act in all sorts of unfortunate ways. I stop asking for help. I lose my curiosity and become louder about what I do know. I stop learning and become counter-dependent. This is not like Jesus, and it does not make for good mentoring. It is a gift to influence and be influenced towards good for the sake of Christ and the world. This is why I must grow in self- awareness. Doing so helps me turn away from shame so that I can better nurture a learning environment for others and myself. At the risk of projecting my experience onto others, I suspect we all deal with shame. Feeling stupid is how shame manifests in me. Someone else might feel like a fraud. Many of my students have identified their shame in feelings of fear, indecisiveness, anxiety, anger, and disgust. And most have concluded that it negatively affects their learning. At the start of a new year, I am confident that the Seminary community will continue encouraging its members to confess and minimize the effects of shame. This will lead to a stronger learning community. We need and deserve the opportunity to practice curiosity and embrace limitations. As we grow in our interdependence, we will better discern the truths of Scripture so that we may live boldly and act wisely according to the faith we are given. ENGAGE 15 MENTORING Adam Taylor/Photodisc

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